A little shout out to my family here.


I was home for Thanksgiving for the first time since I decided to go full time.  Everyone was wonderful. My brother (who I know is having trouble with his own journey regarding my transformation) was really trying, My neice and nephew were great. It seems the next generation doesn’t have the hangups mine does. My cousin was awesome comfortable enough to make some of the witticisms that make him like a ‘cool uncle’.


The latter leads me to another observation. I think sometimes we try too hard to be ‘gentle’ and ‘inoffensive’ It becomes a form of condescension. I actually felt left out in my veteran’s circles until I heard a trans joke. And my cousin accusing me of transition to take advantage of the ‘ladies first’ feeding policy made me laugh so hard I nearly pee’d myself.

Anyhow I hope your Thanksgiving was happy…. And DAMMIT it’s not Columbus day in this country so quite throwing native exploitation rants in my face.

Big Hugs.


PS used my passport instead of my driver’s license and no one at the airport blinked. let alone accused me of using my husband’s ID. I’m less like the joke that starts this blog than  the scrutineer at the political polling center had me thinking.






Mannerisms and Clothing.


It’s a amazing to me how much fashion dictates feminine mannerisms. We keep our knees locked together because of skirts, we adopt various hand poses because we don’t have pockets in which to put our hands, we’re always fussing with our hair because it’s always in our eyes or simply out of place. Anyhow, just a random observation.




Looks like I’m going to seriously look at getting the name change done.

At a party nomination for a federal candidate in my riding, the registry guy tried to tell me I was showing him my husband’s ID. Funny now, irritating then, concerning the next time I fly.


Still Alive


I’ve got a another more essay like post in the pipeline. A review/description of an anime with a very trans postive message/theme


I just though I’d let you know that I haven’t forgotten this blog.

Trying Too Hard


It’s a common comment made about T-girls. That our make up is always perfect or that we know more about make up than ‘real girls’. Or that we seem to care more about heels and dresses and the right purse than many cis-gendered girls. A close friend of mine can’t understand why I ‘suddenly had to be hyper-feminine all the time’  Even my anime Heroine Aoi Futaba can be accused of ‘trying too hard’.

So why do we do it?

Aoi is originally portrayed as having become so thoroughly an archetypical model Japanese woman due to supreme work ethic or artistic perfectionism. Perhaps for some of us there is an element of that. For many cross dressers it IS an art and taken a seriously as any other performer’s stage image.

For me however it’s an evolving series of motivations that I’ll attempt to break down here.

To begin with it was a consequence of being ‘part-time’ The only time I got to be a girl was when I went to an event or party or club as one. When I went full time I discovered that my wardrobe while full of ‘party clothes’ was severely lacking in every day wear. Likewise when I was part-time I never showed myself in public without hours spent on my hair and makeup. When being a girl became an every day thing I started learning how to pare my primping down to essentials.

The other aspect I could describe as… starvation. Quite simply I had spent a lifetime avoiding having anything remotely feminine hung on me. A lifetime of making relentlessly ‘pragmatic’ sartorial choices. Now I still feel the urge (maybe not as urgently as a year ago) to make up for lost time.

Finally it comes down to be acknowledged. Depending on the clothes i wear, I don’t LOOK like a girl. and I really really REALLY don’t like it when a cashier calls me ‘sir’ or ‘mister’, the urge to set every ‘ I am a woman’ flag I can on my appearance is never far from the surface.

And that is why _I_ try too hard. When talking to others, you mileage may vary.




So I haven’t posted in a while…


Sorry about that. I have, I think, three posts on the go in my head and another two started in ‘drafts’ but I’ve not been good about finishing stuff the last two weeks.

Also I should mention that I’m not taking comments any more. I’d like to but if there have been any real comments of substance they’ve been lost in a sea of spam. I’m done moderating 32 comments about cheap raybans or louis vuitton handbags a day trying to find the one real comment. sorry again.