I think I’ve discovered one reason why yoga and pilates are popular ‘girl’s workouts’

Being able to tie your legs into a pretzel or put your hands behind your head from under your armpits are actually valuable skills for putting on pantyhose, Heels, Bras and most back zippered dresses.



I hate being disorganized in the morning. but the worst is the moment I’ve dragged down my dress over my head, look down and can see my feet….

oops. Right!

Bra, THEN dress.


Aoi Futaba (“You’re Under Arrest”)


At some point I’ll talk more generally about the hit or miss but at least VISIBLE presence LGBT and especially Transfolk have in imported Japanese cartoons. but I wanted to Gush about my anime Heroine.

Officer Aoi Futaba, Bokotu Precinct.

Aoi is a major supporting character in the Anime TV series ‘You’re under arrest’


Aoi is first portrayed as a confused male victim of hardwork and a strict instructor, she trained hard and went undercover as a woman to catch a serial rapist and never went back to being a man. In later episodes the show’s writers imply very strongly that this wasn’t an accident but the trigger for her own transgender self recognition and choice, even going so far as to have her now guilty instructor coming back to try and “fix” his over zealousness and make Aoi a man again. This fails.

Aoi’s portrayal will strike many chords with transwoman especially, workplace related trials. The first episode nearly revolves around the locker room issue. And a later early episode, in which a movie star for whom Aoi clearly has feelings, proposes to her, deals with the disclosure issue.

Aoi is perhaps guilty of the common t-girl tendency to try too hard. In the words of one of the show’s main characters:

“you’re the kind of daughter my MOM wants!”

She hasn’t forgotten her athleticism and the former high school basketball star often puts some impressive moves on perpetrators during the show.

She’s a good hearted soul whom I’d be happy to call friend if she weren’t just ink on a cell.

This is to her advantage. She’s drawn more beautifully than the other girls in the precinct and often attracts men more easily than they do. She’s voiced by a female voice actor, which I think is a little unfair but…


She’s been my heroine since before I admitted to myself that I was Trans.


~~ Big Hugs ‘Jaypeg’


Terry Pratchett — Transpositive? LGBT positive?


With his Discworld books, Terry Pratchett, created a fascinating flat world born on the backs of four cosmic elephants carried by a stellar turtle… and over the years has taught us a lot about ourselves. The Colour of magic came out in 1983 and over the last 30 years he’s made us laugh and think. The biggest problem I have in writing this entry is sticking to my points and not diverting to the cool tangents a fan of his work can run off on.

On Prachett’s Discworld dwarves are ALL bearded, beer quaffing, axe weilding short warriors. Everyone, If a dwarf likes another dwarf, gender is apparently only discussed in private. This leads to some interesting situations.

In the Fifth Elephant Sam Vimes ( Chief of a very influential police dept. and currently a diplomat) asks his wife about a Dwarf Opera they are watching. His wife is explaining the history behind the legendary dwarfs the Opera chronicling. Stating at one point that they are some of the most famous and tragic lovers in history.

Vimes asks “Lovers? Which one was the…”

“They were both DWARFS” His wife responds tartly.

IF this sounds familiar to real life questions you’re tired of hearing, you are probably LGBT or an ally.

The Gender of dwarfs becomes a major side story in an earlier story, “Feet of Clay”. The actual storyline involves Sam Vime’s Ank-Morkpork City Watch in a case involving a plot to overthrow the current ruler of the city using Golems. In the process he frees a golem, gives it the power of speech and makes it a constable.

The local priests are quite upset with him and call the golem , named Dorlf, an abomination. To which Sam Vimes replies that ‘abomination’ is what those in power commonly call the act of giving a voice to the voiceless.

But that bit of Prachettian awesomeness is not why I mention “Feet of Clay” no it’s a minor subplot and a new character. A dwarf hired by Vimes to be his new forensic Alchemist. (though he doesn’t use the term forensic. having just invented the concept):

Cheery Littlebottom

Corporal, then Sargeant (in later novels) Littlebottom has the distinction of being the first discworlder dwarf to openly express herself as a female dwarf: spelling her name Cheri, welding high heels onto her dwarven boots, wearing skirts, and admitting she hates quaffing.

“The beer always ends up on my neighbour”

She goes through hardships over this choice (and the trend she starts) not just in this novel but for several to come (including the earlier referenced ‘Fifth Elephant’ in which she is part of Sam Vimes’ diplomatic journey into a very conservative region of the discworld). Troubles with which any transwoman can relate.

But Transmen get an entire novel to themselves.

To be honest it’s probably more about the Victorian legends of women impersonating men to acquire male privilege, and it draws it’s title from an infamous bit of misogyny written in the 17th century. 

In the “Monstrous Regiment” Pratchett tells the tale of a young desperate women who masquerades as a man in order to provide at least one more recruit to her desperate nation in the middle of a losing war. Only to find that every last ‘man’ in her military unit (except their oblivious Captain) is a female with the same idea.

I’d recommend Pratchett to anyone open to humour and fantasy over thirty years he’s played with tourism philosophy and an entire thread of  his books on policing, civil society and justice.

But they are, in my mind, almost Must Reads for any transperson.


~Big Hugs. Jaypeg



… A big Goof.


I’m still a little bitter. mostly at myself but at the TTC and about not having phone or text access to some friends.

Yesterday was another big day. Second day of work. I was four minutes late. not enough to matter to the task, another day full of paperwork. But since I’m trying to begin as I mean to go on, not auspicious either. and it WAS noted and brought to my attention by my superior. GREAT. more completion of paper work to say I’m up to date on all the in house training at least this time with the resources to actually feel like I HAVE reviewed the subjects I’m signing that I’ve been trained. but still… (anyhow more on the fact that work is already agitating me and it hasn’t even really started in another post)

Yesterday was the last day of unlimited tanning at the gym since I’d taken that off my account as a measure of frugality. And the day before I’d actually skipped my daily work out so I was doubly determined, obsessed even, to get to the gym and use it’s facilities to the max.

I needed to get their and get prettied up because I was going to see friends I hadn’t in nearly a year. We had been back and forthing in emails about this group dinner date for Months… I was excited about it….

And like an Alzheimer’s patient I forgot… somehow with stressing about work. frustration at not getting access to machines because the Gym was busier in the late afternoon than first thing in the morning, with chasing mice in my head about all the things that were upsetting me that day. I litterly despite packing a nice dress and thinking in terms of getting gussied up… Forgot that I had a dinner date that night… until I looked up at the clock in the ladies locker room and suddenly remembered WHY I wanted to look pretty.

It was nearly at hour late. Rushing out of the gym I tried calling the one number I had.. but just kept getting a landline. I jumped on the subway, did my make up for the first few stops sent frantic texts during the brief stretch where the train surfaced and got to Jack Astors and hour and a half late. It was the right jack astors. the servers and greeters could tell my that my party had gone in… but with or without their help I couldn’t find them…

… I cannot articulate how upset I was. I’m starting to cry now just thinking of it. I was really looking forward to meeting people who mean a lot to me and I missed them over a stupid memory lapse.

Bitter tired and sulking I made my way back home, overindulged in a dinner my diet and budget probably can’t afford and threw myself in bed without taking my makeup off or remembering to inject my evening insulin.

Now this ‘morning’, It’s noon, I feel like shit, I look like a hag. and it may be more sulking but I’m taking the rest of today ‘off’ (still have to go to the gym. plan to do laundry) but I think maybe I’ve been pushing ‘busy’ a little to hard and need to ease up on the pedal.


~~ big Hugs everyone. and … if you’re reading this (you did get early access) sorry to those of you who were left waiting at Jack Astors. I deeply regret missing you…




… A big day.


First day back at work after months of absence. Was sworn this evening to a veteran’s focused service club. My four hours at work had…. positives and negatives but joining up with those other vets and their supporters was nothing but great.

I maybe even made a new friend. one of my fellow initiates is a real VET. (has his own display in one of my country’s premier war museums) We seemed to get along quite well as we sat down and had drinks together.

It’s well past my bedtime but I guarantee that more posts about today will be forth coming.

~edited to correct sleep deprived composition.

~big hugs Jaypeg.


I am a Nerd!


Perhaps that should be also a Nerd. After all, in addition to being a fan of science fiction and anime and miniatures war gaming I carry other labels such as Trans-Woman (bet you never would have guessed that one 😉 ), Veteran (cold-warrior and weekend warrior but still Veteran enough to join the Legion), Nurse (a label I spend cold hard cash every year to continue to be permitted to adopt),Humanist, Feminist (THOSE two another article for another day), Auntie, Cousin, Friend, Roommate, Gamer, Fan, Reader,Blogger, Tory, Bleeding Heart, Meatitarian, Black Thumb…

No one is ever just one label. Among mine is Nerd.

Sometimes I’ll talk about how the nerdy things I enjoy either allowed a little of my closeted femininity to safely slip out without triggering a drum head court-martial by my fellow men followed by the loss of my guy stripes and the breaking of my Man-sword.

Other times I’ll talk about how the nerdy entertainments I consume affirmed my transgendered nature. (sometimes only in hindsight),

In this space in the future I’m going to talk about several imported Japanese cartoons and/or their characters, as well as some sci-fi and fantasy novels that made me feel better as me. Even during the time when I was not admitting myself to myself. (bear with me. that will be explained when I get around to posting a back story.)

The first two I’ll wish to talk about, SOON!  Are Aoi Futaba from the Anime “You’re Under Arrest” and Terry Pratchet’s “Discworld” novels, primarily the ones focusing on the Anke-Morkpork City Watch.

But this is just a heads up. When I say ‘trans in media’ I’m usually NOT referring to their notable absence in most Hollywood films and broadcast TV shoes.

Watch this Space

~Big Hugs, Jaypeg.


PS – Nerd Points to anyone who recognizes my blog’s tagline.


On Authorship.


Just a little note here,

I didn’t know what I was doing and used my Webmaster’s acount for my first couple of posts. I am the Author of those posts regardless of what WordPress tries to tell you.



Last Sunday was mother’s day. I went to a local Church that I began attending for the sake of… honestly… something to get me out of the house. I like it. It’s a very happy emotional, excited church with a style that I tend to associate with the worst of conservatism. And yet it welcomed me with open arms. (more on that some other time)

My actual story is about Mother’s Day. Our pastor (for want of a better title, I have yet to hear him given a consistent one) asked us to get up and find ‘a mom’ who wasn’t our own and give them a hug and thank them for being a great Mom.

A few tried to do so with me…

On one hand, the idea that I might be ‘mistaken’ for a ‘mom’ was delightful. Few things give me pleasure like having my womanhood acknowledged.

On the other I felt a little guilty and had to explain “that would be a little difficult for me”.

On the other hand,  ‘mom’ was great but did that make me Matriarchal? The girl I was when I started putting up my male facade to the world was saddened over missing her girlhood.

and So On…

still overall, it was a positive moment. I suprise myself by how much like that church, coming as I do from a much more staid, self effacing, and stereotypically ‘Canadian’ church.

~big Hugs, Jaypeg.