So… life has been… interesting… this past year. Going on long term disability. seeking psychiatric help, joining the Legion, changes in medication, changes to the changes due to interactions and reactions, a dramatic adjustment to my sleep/wake pattern. Friends disappointing me others proving to be friends, applying for a new place, securing said new place pending notice to vacate at my old, getting an eye infection, missing remembrance day, Reintroducing myself to my family at thanksgiving, I think I could go on there’s been a lot.
I’m a little scared and down for the last two months I feel I’ve been getting stronger but that was preceded by a pull back where i lost all energy and activities of daily living became monumental chores forget actually doing anything that resembled a return to working life or even just getting a workout.
I don’t know If I’ll be ready to return to work on the current plan (January) and I’m afraid of failure
I’m frustrated by my current lack of energy and wonder if it’s related to a new psychotropic medication I’m on or some other external factor (like my currently low haemoglobin)
Good news is that My blood sugars have been surprisingly stable and uniformly low since about thanksgiving so almost 5 weeks. my haemoglobin a1-c tests have been in the 0.7 range (which is not a healthy person’s but not bad for a diabetic)
I wouldn’t have self described as a worrying but i find with my new self-awareness (thanks to meds and therapies) that I worry a lot. I tend to conflate chores and trouble into difficulties much bigger than they really are.
So, I worry about my Nursing course, I worry about my move in three months I ruminate about all sorts of future difficulties at the expense of being here, now, in the moment… but I’m aware at least and trying to redirect those energies to more useful tasks.
One step at a time, I can walk around the world.