I have a certain restlessness, a feeling I need to be doing something yet unable to stick to whatever I decide to do. tv doesn’t entertain me. games do not distract me. I cannot work on my novel the words won’t come and I’m running out of places to put the stuff I’ve packed into boxes. and it’s too early for bed… argh argh argh.
I haven’t had much to write about lately or just not felt like writing.
My transition is rather static right now. I’m holding off on the name change until I’ve renewed some ID that’s due and done moving.
Surgeries and hormones are still a distant dream. Strangely enough I’m not unhappy. It still makes me … better to be full time as a woman, Though,I’ve slowly let go of some womanly ways. Heels have stopped getting worn (I usually wear ballet slippers with a dress) dresses have moved to a less prominent place in my closet in favour of pants and frock length tops. I go days without bothering with make up. I’m … comfortable.
Other things are keeping me busy. my upcoming move has me more worried than necessary. I keep conflating issues such as getting rid of excess junk or dealing with my broken bed into monumental chores that make the whole project seem like a big deal.
It says something about my self confidence and faith in my friends that I’ve been planning the move as if I’ll have no help. I’m hoping that I’m just being depressive about that.
I wish I was less tired. I’m getting better I think but I’m still not fit for work and still not doing enough in my free time to be happy with myself. everything is tiring and some days being alive is a chore.
At least my diabetes has been stable and in control.
So, Dear readers, that’s where I am right now.
Some days I look in the mirror and still see a ‘dude in a dress’