Ambivalance

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Last Sunday was mother’s day. I went to a local Church that I began attending for the sake of… honestly… something to get me out of the house. I like it. It’s a very happy emotional, excited church with a style that I tend to associate with the worst of conservatism. And yet it welcomed me with open arms. (more on that some other time)

My actual story is about Mother’s Day. Our pastor (for want of a better title, I have yet to hear him given a consistent one) asked us to get up and find ‘a mom’ who wasn’t our own and give them a hug and thank them for being a great Mom.

A few tried to do so with me…

On one hand, the idea that I might be ‘mistaken’ for a ‘mom’ was delightful. Few things give me pleasure like having my womanhood acknowledged.

On the other I felt a little guilty and had to explain “that would be a little difficult for me”.

On the other hand,  ‘mom’ was great but did that make me Matriarchal? The girl I was when I started putting up my male facade to the world was saddened over missing her girlhood.

and So On…

still overall, it was a positive moment. I suprise myself by how much like that church, coming as I do from a much more staid, self effacing, and stereotypically ‘Canadian’ church.

~big Hugs, Jaypeg.

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