Trying Too Hard

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It’s a common comment made about T-girls. That our make up is always perfect or that we know more about make up than ‘real girls’. Or that we seem to care more about heels and dresses and the right purse than many cis-gendered girls. A close friend of mine can’t understand why I ‘suddenly had to be hyper-feminine all the time’  Even my anime Heroine Aoi Futaba can be accused of ‘trying too hard’.

So why do we do it?

Aoi is originally portrayed as having become so thoroughly an archetypical model Japanese woman due to supreme work ethic or artistic perfectionism. Perhaps for some of us there is an element of that. For many cross dressers it IS an art and taken a seriously as any other performer’s stage image.

For me however it’s an evolving series of motivations that I’ll attempt to break down here.

To begin with it was a consequence of being ‘part-time’ The only time I got to be a girl was when I went to an event or party or club as one. When I went full time I discovered that my wardrobe while full of ‘party clothes’ was severely lacking in every day wear. Likewise when I was part-time I never showed myself in public without hours spent on my hair and makeup. When being a girl became an every day thing I started learning how to pare my primping down to essentials.

The other aspect I could describe as… starvation. Quite simply I had spent a lifetime avoiding having anything remotely feminine hung on me. A lifetime of making relentlessly ‘pragmatic’ sartorial choices. Now I still feel the urge (maybe not as urgently as a year ago) to make up for lost time.

Finally it comes down to be acknowledged. Depending on the clothes i wear, I don’t LOOK like a girl. and I really really REALLY don’t like it when a cashier calls me ‘sir’ or ‘mister’, the urge to set every ‘ I am a woman’ flag I can on my appearance is never far from the surface.

And that is why _I_ try too hard. When talking to others, you mileage may vary.

 

 

 

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